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Politics

​A Level Headed Look at Voting by Mail

 Lickspittles for this current president suck. They reach new lows every day. One of their latest is an all-out assault on the idea of letting people vote safely. Wisconsin, a state that until recently, most Americans thought was filled with cheese and sane people, led the way by making citizens vote in person at the height of the pandemic spread. One favorite talking point of these phrenic nanobes of the right is “if you can go to the grocery store, you can go vote.” You realize that groceries are thriving on delivery and curbside, don’t you, dumbasses?

Mitch McConnell, that no-chin, turtle headed, invertebrate, is even against remote voting for members of Congress, where the average age is 104. His Tortoiseship says that it’s against the Constitution. The Constitution was written in the 1780s, dickweed. If you want to adhere to the original intent, then laws should only be written with quill pens fetched by a slave, you racist twat.

The U.S. Military has voted by mail since the Civil War. The clueless blob of orange unpresidential goo remembers the Civil War. It’s when George Washington invaded the airports in his Sherman tank and hot pants. You know what else goes through the U.S. Mail every damn day? Passports, driver’s licenses, tax refund checks, prescription drugs and unlicensed fucking handguns for Christ’s sake. It's deemed fine for all that, but it’s suddenly not safe for voting?

Colorado, Oregon, Hawaii (also known as Kenya), Washington and that bastion of liberalism, Utah, all have been doing wholesale voting by mail for years. For years! No fraud. Just more participation and less chaos. And that’s the real problem here. The republicans know that most people hate their greedy asses. They’ve publicly said so. The orange lard ass himself said that if we had increased levels of voting “you’d never have a republican elected in this country again.” (I guess that implies they might still have a shot in Kazakhstan.) Complete chaos and long lines on Election Day help their cause. Never forget, low participation is all they've got.

Rep. Thomas Massie, a loon from Kentucky who was against the first stimulus bill to help the tens of millions now out of work, said universal voting by mail “would be the end of our republic as we know it.” See the same comments loudly coming from white conservatives after Emancipation. Make no mistake. There is no fraud. This is about keeping minorities from voting, just like the right wingers have been doing for decades with poll taxes, voter intimidation, needless ID requirements, absurd computerized gerrymandering and elimination of polling places in minority precincts. Let's be clear: People who are throwing a fit over voting by mail have no conscience. They are bad people. Period. P.S.- If you really want to see an opportunity for fraud, try electronic voting machines that have repeatedly been hacked by 12 year olds (not joking) and have no paper backup.

​Even the frightened right's bullshit premise that voting by mail will hurt them doesn’t hold water. Academic studies say it won't. Who usually votes by mail in other states? Old people. That’s the most republican bloc of voters there is, short of Klan members and wife-swapping evangelicals. There’s no evidence that voting by mail helps one party over the other. Who would it help, then? The carrier pigeon lobby. Writing utensil manufacturers. All Americans who believe in a representative democracy as put forth in our Constitution. and are smart enough to understand that we need EVERYONE to take part and have a stake in our own government. And oh yeah, reading teachers. Too bad you right wingers never knew one.
© Mike Vance 2020
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